Every day, we make decisions that affect our lives no matter how large or small. Sadly, we often forget how powerful our subconscious is and this means that we don’t even recognize the decisions we do make. Over a period of one month, for example, we can be heard saying phrases like ‘I have too much bad luck’ or ‘it never works out for me’ but it is our subconscious self-sabotage that is putting us in the position to start with. Therefore, we need to overcome this problem and it starts with an exploration into our fears and emotions. Once we recognize why the destructive behavior occurs, we can do all we can to stop it from happening moving forward.
When we sabotage ourselves, there tends to be an underlying reason and fear seems to be the most common fault. For example, many people try to lose weight every single year but a significant portion of this amount fail. Why is this so? In all likelihood, they have tried all the different diets in the world but to no avail. However, do they really want to lose this weight? Ask them and they would very quickly tell you that they do but what if their excess weight was actually providing them with a source of comfort in this frightening world. In truth, many people subconsciously see their weight as security so losing it would open them up and make them vulnerable. When we sneak snacks into the day and skip workout sessions, the only person to blame is ourselves because no-one is making us get up and make a chocolate spread sandwich.
In other cases, it might be intimidation that holds us back such as starting a new job. Ultimately, we spend all of our lives working towards an end goal in the shape of a dream job. However, a high percentage of people who have interviews for desirable positions don’t show up out of fear or whatever it may be. For stay-at-home mums, the biggest example of all is choosing to ‘apply’ for jobs. In order to provide for their child, they feel as though they have to get back into the world of employment. However, this is actually the last thing they want to do because they enjoy spending time with their child. Therefore, they apply for roles that they do not have the qualifications to fulfil or they apply for jobs that aren’t practical in terms of hours with children. When they have to eventually give up on the position, they can say that they ‘tried’. A few months later, they will go through the same process all over again.
Nowadays, image is another huge issue and we spend too much time worrying about what others think. Rather than achieving our goals, we set ourselves up for failure because this is the easiest option. Because these decisions are made subconsciously, we tell ourselves that we know what we want. As soon as a little uncertainty or doubt comes along, we allow ourselves to fail.
Unfortunately, a high percentage of the people reading this will be nodding along because they can relate. If this is the case for you, the most important thing that you can do is to overcome this self-sabotage and this is done by recognizing when it is happening. As soon as we consciously take charge of our thoughts and actions, we can stop any form of sabotage before it has a chance to take effect.
If you recently failed to achieve a goal, this is the perfect time to start because you can look back and assess exactly what happened. Were you afraid of something? Could you have made wiser decisions to get around the obstacles that stood in your way? If you recognize self-sabotage in that situation, you can then prevent it in the future.
When reading this, many people will say that they have tried to listen but cannot concentrate or that it doesn’t work. However, have you actually sat down in complete silence with no distractions and just had a conversation? When in a calm scenario, just ask yourself a few questions and see what fears you have as this will help to get in touch with your subconscious. If you cannot do this, having a journal is another way to help because you can empty your mind. Although it might take some time to get used to the process, you will soon see the benefit.
Ultimately, we have to remember that we are in control of our own lives and this means our future as well as now. Once you free yourself, you can work towards your dreams without holding yourself back. Suddenly, you will have a clear mind and fear won’t prevent you from turning up at your interview for your dream job and absolutely blowing them away. When we remove self-sabotage, we can work towards existing goals as well as finding new ones. Rather than sabotaging any life that we want, we can support it and then eventually live it.